The Red Flags They Don't Tell You About

I was in a relationship for two years that was totally wrong for me. But I didn't know it at the time. You read about "red flags" of relationships, but they rarely seemed to apply to mine. It was... other things. Well I've been contemplating it a while now, and I've realized what my red flags should have been. So here, these might help you if you're feeling unsure.

• We had no inside jokes, not one. Looking back I don't even know how that was possible, but it was. We didn't have a running joke about anything. It was a perfect example of how not-fun our relationship was.

• I didn't worry about us. I had no idea that being with the right person meant constantly worrying that one of us might suddenly die or something, because that's what it's like now. Okay it's not constant, but it's just that I'm so effing happy now that I'm sometimes worried something will come along and ruin it. But like I said, I was never worried about my old relationship. I guess secretly I didn't care if something broke us apart.

• The thought of our future together was forced. I never just naturally thought about where we would live someday or what our wedding would look like, I had to actively force myself to think about it (though I didn't realize what I was doing at the time). With my guy now, I practically have to force myself to not think about our future! I can't tell you how many almost-freudian slips I've said to him! "We should totally have flan for our... birthday (oh my god did I almost say wedding?!?!) cake"

• We had no pet names. We might say each others' names with a kind of cutesy tone, but we never called each other anything but that. And I never even thought I was much of a pet name person, but that gooey cutesy shit comes out all the time with the boyfriend now. I can't help it. And it feels okay that I'm doing it. 

• There are imperfections you expect to change over time. With the old relationship, I assumed that some things would change about him eventually, why this was I can't say. But let me assure everyone, that wasn't going to happen. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes the right relationship can set people on the right track in life, but it's not going to drastically uproot aspects of their personality. Maybe it'll help them kick a few bad habits but it won't be helping them with their social anxiety, depression, etc. The right person is perfect the way they are, they need no changing.

• Out bad habits didn't compliment each other. We both were bad procrastinators, we both had problems with motivation, and we both could be really lazy at times. Together, those things were even worse. And if it seems like I'm being choosy, you need to realize these things really are part of a relationship. It's not just whether you get along and have fun together, but it's how you will be affected living with this other person. And these were all really bad habits I just couldn't be indulging. 

If as time goes on I think of more, maybe I'll post a Red Flags #2, but for now this is what really stands out to me.